Friday, July 4, 2008

The Friday Morning

7.50am – Wake up.
Shit. This is late. Quickly called to wake him up and the run to bathroom.

8.00am – Stone in front of wardrobe.
This is usual. I always do it without knowing it and only come to realized it after three or five minutes has passed.

8.10am – He’s in front of my house.
I’m still not fully dressed. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. Must be the stoning in front of the wardrobe part. DAMN.

8.20am – Hop into car.

8.40am – Reach office.
He called the colleague he’s supposed to pick up to the store. Colleague didn’t answer the phone. I told him to wait for a while and I’ll go up to get him.

8.45am – Put down my bag and saw the colleague he’s supposed to pick up.
I walked over to where colleague was standing. Colleague is in office attire. Colleague is supposed to get to the store (read: colleague is supposed to be in Tshirt and Jeans). This is how our conversation goes,
Me: Hey, how come you are in office attire? (I speak very politely, really)
Colleague: (Ignored me)
Me: I thought in the timetable I sent you, you are supposed to be in store today. (I still speak politely)
Colleague: Nobody tells me anything. (Without looking at me and the tone sound irritated)
Me: What do you mean? The timetable is set. Plus I tried calling you many times yesterday. Which you failed to pick up and also failed return my calls. (I must admit my voice is a little indifferent now. Not rude. Not rising. Just indifferent)
Colleague: I’m busy clearing some stuff yesterday. (Point to screen) Anyway, nobody give me instructions or anything or what to do. (Without looking at me and tone sound irritated STILL)
Me: Well, if you answer or return my calls, I would be able to tell you right? Plus the team is already in the store. (Me stating the obvious to a dumb ass. read: my voice is already starting to rise)
Colleague: I’m busy clearing some stuff yesterday. (He repeated in annoyance as if he’s the one talking to a dumb ass)
Me: Fine. Let me know when you are free then. (Voice rise, obviously)
Colleague: (Ignored me again)


8.55am – Call him and tell him not to wait.

9.00am – Walk to staircase. Call Auntie and tell her what happened. This is how our conversation goes,
Me: Colleague not coming.
Auntie: Why?
Me: (Explain the whole conversation)
Auntie: So you get stressed up every morning?
Me: Yea. Sorta
Auntie: Rise. Rise. Rise. (I heard her smile as she says this)
Me: He’s ignoring me.
Auntie: You only la.. (I heard her snicker as she says this)
Me: Yea okie. Got to go. (I hung up the phone)

9.10am – Call him again.
He picked up and at the same time, tears are streaming down. Then I started crying uncontrollably. So much that I don’t even understand what I am saying. So much that I’m sure my make-up will be gone. So much that I think everyone who sees me later is going to know that I’m a cry baby. Yet I can’t seem to stop crying.
I do not know why I am so upset. Is it the part where I did not get the respect I deserves as a human? Or the part where I get no cooperation from everyone? Or the part where I can’t seem to finish this job? Or the part where I can’t do a simple (that’s what everyone thinks) admin job? Or the part where I felt like a total absolute loser? Or the part that I felt that if I cannot do an admin job, how can I do an audit job well? Or is it I’m not even upset? Maybe I’m simply frustrated. Boiled up till I cried?
Whatever it is. I do not know why I reacted this way. I am not a cry baby. I do not cracked under pressure. I am strong. I yelled I screamed but crying is not my thing. I don’t cry right? I am so strong. Right? Right? Right?

9.20am – I call Auntie back because I hear a beep of incoming call just now.
Auntie picked up the phone and yelled at me for hanging up her call just now. I simply denied it and try not to sound shaky. Wrong move. Everyone knows I talk more that a simple “Yes” or “No”. So she continues talking to me and shakier my voice become. And yes. I continued crying. She knows I cried. I’m screwed. So screwed.

There you go. The Friday morning I screwed.

Thank you for hearing me cry. Hugs.

1 comment:

danno said...

Dont worry evil green cow, Free School is here to save the day we will not let you and aunty down!!!

Trust ye in the PFS faithful for we shall prevail and clear the store!!!