Tuesday, August 5, 2008


There are times, like today, that I will ask God the many “whys” I have. Yes I know I do not have a religion and yes I know I am an atheist but believe it or not I believe the existence of God.

And yet, without fail, every single time when I asked a question, I’ll fell really bad after that. How can I be so not thankful? Where have I learned to be so not content?

And I recall the words of my parents, my friends, and everyone that matters to me. And I tell myself, how can I disappoint them? For they have taught me so much. How can I be disappointing the people who matters to me when it was the people who I do not give a shit about who is annoying the hell out of me.

Then I tell myself. Stop whining. Stop it. It’ll be over before you know it.

There are extents where I tell myself, everyone has to go through some down to appreciate the ups in life. Or else life will be monotonous and we would not appreciate the beauty in life.

Of course there’s the usual, it’s okie girl, you are strong. You can handle that.

However I have not stopped asking why. I do not know why. I want it to stop badly for the guilt will hit me hard.

Hope. Faith. Love. I have them. Tell me why I still ache inside.