Crazy

This thing is driving me nuts.

I feel a teeny bit upset every time I checked my email. There is no notification of any sort that has come in. Ok. Upset is incorrect. Cause I feel much more than that.

Sometimes I get irritated. I mean, hello.. what is these people doing. I thought they need people? Sometimes I get this unwanted feeling. Am I that worthless? Sometimes I get annoyed. I compared myself to some random people. Am I a least capable person than who they are?

Then I gave up feeling. Because they are worthless and not to mention useless. I wanted them more than they wanted me. So I continue searching. Looking. Hunting.

It’s almost like running out of air while scuba diving. My tank is empty. I’m calling out for help. I did everything I remembered them teaching me. My hand signal and everything. But my vision gets blur. But then again I continue doing what I can to draws attention. Problem is: Will someone save me? If someone does, will they take me out of this place where I can no longer breathe? Or will they simply hand me their extra regulator?

Only God knows.

And the cycle begins by itself all over again.

Quarterly Review pt.1

Blink blink. It’s already the end of March. One quarter of 2009 gone. So fast. And I thought I was planning what to do for Christmas 2008 just yesterday.

I would not say a lot has changed, since I’m still doing the same old dirty job. Working hours still seems long and weekends still seems wayyyyyyy too short.

I would not say nothing has changed as well. In these three months, I have for the first time,
- Stayed in a hotel all by myself for one whole freaking month already. More to come apparently.
- Traveled in my little car alone. With no one to talk to. No one to help me drive. It’s a little scary at first but I got used to it after an hour or two.
- Eaten alone. All by myself. Okie no big deal for lots of people but big deal for me. Sitting in a mamak stall eating alone, I really feel very alone. The stares make it worst. I cannot eat my nasi kandar without thinking the guy sitting across me is marking me and so going to follow me and kill me when I walk to the car park. But just like driving, I got used to it after a few times.
- Crossed the road alone. I cannot cross road. I always feel that cars will come and bang, I’ll die. I still cannot get used to crossing the road.
- Did banking alone. Nope not online banking. Real banking. Gosh, it was scary okie? People might just come and chop off your hand when all you might be carrying in your purse is merely RM100. Okie. I sound like paranoid psycho bitch. But it is a dangerous world.

Okie. Got to continue working. Continue another day.

Oh-So-Random

I just got back from my company trip in Phuket. So coincidentally, when we were there, there were some commotions in the Airport. Apparently the local news made quite a hoo-hah about it but honestly, it was rather peaceful in Patong area itself. Shrugs. My daddy was super worried because of the news and he was not able to reach me as my phone ran out of batteries. Amazing how everything can be so coincidental. Hmmp..

I saw someone without her usual make-up one day. Bloody hell. Scared the hell out of me. She looks horrible.

I dreamt that I lost my phone again. Gosh. The feeling is scary man.

Talking about my phone, I was trying to clean up some old messages on my phone the other day and I read some of my old messages. Some people can be very pretentious. So fake that it scares me. Sigh. I am still speechless. I wonder what they feel sometimes.

Talking about dream, I dreamt that He’s going to get married. To his ex-girlfriend. I was so angry in my dream okie? But I think about it now, I think it’s so so so funny. Wahahahha..

He thinks that I have weird dream all the time.

I found out a friend of mine has a blog. Weird blog. So weird. Yet so funny.

I met Dr. Jason’s girlfriend. Hongkies. But she speaks good English. I am impressed. And she’s not stuck up. Nice girl. I like her.

My harddisk sort of crashed. I found out that I actually have 30GB of pictures. Eh, I didn’t take all of them okie? Some I copied from my friends. Some are pure rubbish pictures. Yes, I know, it’s still damn a lot of pictures. And yes I get it. I am full of crap. I know I know.